If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Randomize
