dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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