HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
