Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Randomize