this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
