If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Randomize
