ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Randomize
