hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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