I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
