were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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