hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Randomize