So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
