New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I look excited, but its just a facade.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
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