I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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