I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
you didnt know i had herpes?
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
