Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
