i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
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