Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Randomize
