I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
you never un-have a 4some
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Randomize
