This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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