I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
