Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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