can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
