I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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