Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
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