thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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