So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Randomize
