Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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