I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
