Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
