new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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