dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
