Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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