They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
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