You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
