we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
