just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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