he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
not ubering you a puppy
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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