apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
A+ Viking dick
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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