im having a threesome with these popsicles
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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