3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
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