my being single is dangerous.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Your shirt... Was in my pants
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
