watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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