Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
