I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
