dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Randomize
