i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
