My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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