addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
