Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Randomize
