i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
