forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
