Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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