so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
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