dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
