Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
