dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
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