My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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