Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
