I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I'm gonna fight the coyote
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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