no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
