I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Randomize
