So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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