i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
