You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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