Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Randomize
