ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
