she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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