We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Randomize
