I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
